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Chapter 1 Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4   Chapter 5 Part I

He had to fix this.

“I do not know if that is wise, sir.”

Jim winced. “Maybe not, Spock. But I need some answers.”

Spock was silent for so long that Jim was almost certain that he was going to walk out of the room.  

“So, uh.” Jim’s mind completely blanked. Fuck. He didn’t know where to start.

“Apologies are illogical, Captain.” Spock’s back straightened even further. Jim didn’t know that was even possible.

“Jim, Spock. Come on, man. Turn around. Have a seat. Have a beverage. A snack.
Something. This is awkward enough without you adding titles to the mix.”

Spock reached out and entered the code to lock the doors. Jim thought his heart stopped for a second when Spock turned around. He did not sit, instead standing there in his customary parade rest, looking at something slightly over and to the left of Jim’s shoulder.


Jim’s eyes widened. That one syllable was definitely not emotionless. He watched as Spock opened his mouth, then seemed to think better of what he was going to say, shutting his mouth with a small snap.

“Apologies? Do... do I owe you an apology, Spock?” Jim spoke tentatively, unsure at what was so obviously upsetting Spock. This was just so unlike him.

Spock’s jaw tightened.  “I must ask that you cease speaking. I find this... difficult... to say. The distraction you present is... ” Spock trailed off.

Jim nodded, leaning against the table to get his weight off of his ankle. It didn’t hurt exactly, but he definitely would be stopping back by sickbay before he hit the hay for the night. Or what was left of the night.  He tried to appear patient, but it was difficult as fuck, considering all the questions that were bouncing around his head. Spock was practically stammering in front of him for God’s sake.

He watched as Spock took a deep breath. He watched his nostrils flare for a second. “As I was saying, apologies are illogical, yet I find myself needing to do so for my actions. It is true that I was... compromised emotionally at seeing… that is to say during...”  

Jim watched as Spock floundered, for a moment his shoulders slumping as he tried to get his thoughts into some sort of order.

“Of course you were! Jesus, Spock! I can’t even imagine what you were thinking down there. It’s normal to.. er.. overreact a little once you get to safety.”

Jim was completely shocked at the way Spock’s lips twitched slightly. It was so out of place from the tension that was so thick in the room that he just stood there, gaping stupidly.

“You are really quite incapable of remaining silent for any given amount of time.”

Jim blinked, dumbfounded at the minuscule, yet clearly amused quirk of Spock’s lips.

“Who taught you the discipline necessary to block your mind?”

Jim blinked again at Spock’s question. The non-sequitur was so far from left field that he was opening his mouth to answer before he’d remembered all the reasons why he couldn’t.  “Ah, actually he requested that I not tell anyone.”

“He.” Spock took a step forward. His eyes were focused directly onto Jim’s, narrowed slightly with intensity. The little smile had disappeared.
This Spock was more familiar. Angry, instead of amused.  “It was most disconcerting to realize that I was projecting my own thoughts onto you without receiving yours in return. It was even more disconcerting to realize the ease at which you received those thoughts. It speaks of... practice.”

“Ah, yeah. Well, that’s good to know. Um, that it’s working, I mean. My teacher will be very.. uh, pleased.”

“Will he? Vulcans do not ascribe to, pleasure, Jim.”

Jim’s mind began blaring warnings at him when Spock took another step forward.

“Vulcan? Who said anything about--”

“You will tell me who you allowed into your mind.” The words were almost a growl. Jim was fascinated by the bright bloom of green high on Spock’s cheekbones.

Jim shifted, easing up from the table in order to try to put a little more distance between himself and the Vulcan in front of him. He heard himself almost babbling with nerves. “I can’t do that Spock. Look, I know that you take your First Officer duties extremely seriously. I count on that. I count on you.” Jim forced a smile, running his hands through his hair. Jim’s skin crawled with the sweat and grit from Praxis’ surface, despite the sonics Bones must have pushed him into.  “Don’t feel bad what happened, okay? No one blames you for acting a little.. er.. odd. You saved my ass again, man. Don’t think that I’m going to go out ratting you to the brass for coming down against orders.”

Jim ignored the way Spock’s eyes narrowed as Jim walked by him, the material of their uniforms bushing together slightly as he made his way to the doors.

He was completely unprepared when Spock reached out and grabbed Jim’s forearm, halting his movement. Spock’s long fingers tightened on the yellow material.

“You are mistaken, Jim.”

The full intensity of Spock’s attention was overwhelming from this close. Jim thought for a second that he would lose himself in the heat radiating off of Spock. He felt his brain stutter to a complete halt, his mouth drying up with sudden, shocking desire.

“My reaction to your,” he tightened his fingers, “blatant,” Shook Jim’s arm , “
disregard for your own safety was perhaps a trifle overzealous.”

Jim blinked. Overzealous? Spock had
growled at Bones to keep him away.  Fuck, Spock was actually so pissed off that he was touching him.  Jim was conscious of the way Spock’s grip gentled, the thumb stroking under Jim’s bicep. The small movement was so far from what he was expecting that Jim completely froze again, not entirely sure that he wasn’t dreaming.

“You are aware that my memory is eidetic. It took several hours of meditation for me to be able to... accept your recklessness; to achieve this state of calmness.”

This was calm?!
Jim frowned. Now wait just a damn minute. “Now wait just a damn minute, here, Mister. You don’t get to say what I can or cannot do. I’m the captain here, not you. You don’t have any say in...”

He squeaked when Spock jerked him slightly off-balance. Jim’s hand brushed against Spock’s shoulder to gain his balance, and he jumped back, a little freaked out at exactly when he’d lost control of the situation.

“You are once again mistaken.” Spock’s breath puffed against Jim’s face.

Jim was aware that his own breathing had sped up. It occurred to him, somewhat belatedly, that now he finally had all of Spock’s attention focused directly on him.

“Did you think that I would not recognize your... attraction?”

It took a second for those words to seep into Jim’s blissfully blank brain, but once they did he felt himself blushing fiercely, ashamed.  There was no chance of him bullshitting his way through this. Jim tried to take another step back, and Spock let go of his arm. Spock had just said that he couldn’t read his mind- and was kind of pissed off at that fact. How the fuck did he--

“No. I did not need to read your thoughts in your mind.” Spock took another step forward. Jim’s back was flush against the wall. “I can smell your arousal, Jim. When we sparred, it was overpowering. Erotic. Addictive. I was not aware that you were attracted to males.”

“I’m... not.” The protest was pretty damn stupid, but it was practically automatic, falling from Jim’s lips without his own conscious decision.

Spock tilted his hips and Jim went lightheaded at the feel of Spock’s own hardness brushing briefly against his own; a kiss of flesh separated by several layers of clothing.  The quirk of Spock’s eyebrow spoke volumes. Very slowly, allowing Jim time to see him moving and push away, Spock bent down so that his lips were only centimeters from the lobe of Jim’s ear. He breathed in quite deliberately, and Jim realized with slight hysteria that Spock was
smelling him.


Spock moved so that they were not touching, bracing his arms on either side of Jim’s head. Jim was almost hyperventilating; confusion and desire warring within him.

“Tell me who has had your mind, Jim. Grant me this one concession.”

Jim shivered at the feel of Spock’s lips just inches from his ear. Spock’s voice was low, almost the same possessive growl Jim remembered from earlier. He shook his head, their bodies so close that it caused Spock’s nose to brush against his cheek. They both jerked slightly away at the jolt of contact, and stood staring at each other from way too close, trading each other’s breath.

“Why do you care?” Jim’s whisper caused Spock’s eyes to drift shut. “Look. I think you need to go see Bones. You’re not acting--”  Jim bit his lip, bringing his hands up to Spock’s shoulders with the intention of pushing him slightly away- encouraging Spock to back off seemed like a really good idea.  

Instead, Jim’s thumbs stroked against the sides of Spock’s neck as he brought his hands down and Spock’s eyes popped open, a dark sound emerging from his throat. Spock’s hands moved from the wall to cup Jim’s face, holding him in place for his lips. The kiss wasn’t gentle at all. Spock might not admit to emotion, but it was definitely there in the way his lips met Jim’s-  frustration and desire causing their mouths to crash together.

Teeth nipped at Jim’s full bottom lip and his mouth opened with a cry, accepting Spock’s tongue. Jim tried to keep up with Spock, tightening his hands on Spock’s shoulders, sliding the palms of his hands up to mimic the way Spock held him. It was so far removed from kissing a woman that Jim floundered for a moment, unused to someone else being the aggressor.  Spock would not let him regain his equilibrium, alternating his kisses with nips and scrapes of teeth against Jim’s jawbone, sucking his skin into his mouth to lave at it with his tongue, before releasing it and capturing Jim’s lips again with his own.

Jim could taste a slight tang of blood and that only seemed to make Spock more domineering, stepping into Jim’s space so that their bodies were flush against one another, his hands moving down to Jim’s hips and holding them in place. Jim’s hands also moved, tightening in Spock’s hair, yanking it it sharply when Spock twisted his hips so that Jim was pinned to the wall between Spock’s body, with one hand on Jim’s waist, serving as some sort of anchor as he used his mouth to completely  overwhelm Jim.

When Spock’s other hand cupped Jim’s cock, Jim cried out again at the sensation, ripping his mouth away from Spock’s so quickly that he banged his head on the wall. His knees buckled at the strong grip, and he surprised himself at how quickly he unbuckled his own trousers, desperate for Spock’s naked touch on his swollen, throbbing cock.

“You ask me why I care?” Spock’s grip on Jim’s dick was just what he wanted, hard and tight, one thumb sliding over the slick precome that leaked from his slit. Spock twisted his wrist, and Jim moaned again, sucking in breath only to have it leave his body as he bit his own lips to keep himself quiet. “Because this is
mine.”  The growl was almost indiscernible in its intensity, more of a rumble of breath than actual words- but hearing it caused Jim’s whole body to sing. He realized that he was gaping up at Spock stupidly as Spock worked his cock. Spock squeezed, his fingers tightening on just this side of cruel. Jim’s hands locked on Spock’s biceps, caught up in his own pleasure. Spock jerked his other hand up to Jim’s head, the fingers brushing over the meld points. They both moaned at the almost electrical spark of awareness, both of their spines straightening for a moment with arousal. “This is mine.” Spock’s lips twisted as he forced himself to remove his hand from Jim’s face, as though he didn’t trust himself to linger there. His fingers splayed over Jim’s chest, pressing slightly. “This, Jim. This is mine. That is why I care.”

Spock’s grip twisted and Jim was shooting, eyes drifting shut as Spock’s mouth crashed down on his again, greedily sucking down Jim’s little cries and whimpers as everything exploded behind his eyelids.

Jim came back to himself slowly, still breathing heavily from his orgasm. He opened his eyes, only to shut them again, overwhelmed at seeing his own come streaking Spock’s hand. Tentatively he reached down and brought Spock’s hand up to his mouth.

The taste of his own come didn’t bug him. It was more the shock of seeing it on Spock’s usually pristine hands that caused his cock to jerk with reaction. The sound Spock made when his tongue flicked out over Spock’s thumb gave him a little more confidence. That put him on much more even ground. Jim couldn’t even remember the last time that he hadn’t felt completely sexually confident. Jim’s brain was still blissfully blank as he worked his mouth over Spock’s fingers, lapping at his own taste.


Spock’s strangled voice caused Jim to jerk his gaze up to Spock’s eyes, shocked again at how absolutely debauched Spock looked. His usually warm brown eyes seemed to be all pupil from desire, widened in need. His lips were swollen slightly green; the same green flush on Spock’s cheeks. His hair was in a complete disarray. Jim watched Spock watching the way his tongue traced over Spock’s knuckle, watched the way Jim brought his fingers to his mouth, sucking on the sensitive fingertips. Spock’s eyes fluttered shut and his hips snapped forward, almost rutting against the side of Jim's leg.

A crash sent both of them sliding against the wall. The ship shuddered with the explosion, and Jim swore, dropping Spock’s hand, flinging his hand against the conference room wall to try to keep himself from falling. Spock helped him to gain his balance, stepping back. Jim was already jerking his trousers back up over his hips when Nyota’s voice came over the inter-ship communications.

“Captain. You better get up here. I think that General Chang guy is pretty pissed that we got to his kellenite before he did.” There was a pause while Jim and Spock stared at each other in shock.  “Doctor McCoy, report to the Bridge immediately.”

Spock simply entered the code to unlock the door and waited for Jim to proceed him to the bridge. They had time for one speaking glance before they both began to run for the chaos that awaited them.

When Jim spoke, it was heartfelt as he buttoned himself up, making sure that he didn’t forget his zip.  


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