Word Count: 17,909
Summary: Written for darlapr0duction’s prompt for the help_midwest challenge. In the middle of shore leave, the drunken bet seemed like a lark: “Get Spock laid.” Leonard found himself laughing just as much as the rest of them. What a ridiculous idea.
Notes/Warnings: (highlight):Angst, Schmoop, I did not intend for there to be any such ‘kinda sorta’ consent issues when I wrote this, but to do the prompt I guess they are there. Kindof. Sorta. Anyway, if that’s a trigger you might want to give this one a pass. darlapr0duction prompted this several, several months ago- even though I told her I had a few other fics to finish first. She was endlessly patient. BB, I hope you enjoy this. I tried to get everything in from your prompt, but you’ll see where it went in a few other places! Thanks tojademac2442 for her ninjabeta skillz and endless patience, and to jlm121 for the cheerleading and occasional kick in the butt to remind me SPONES WRITE SPONES NOWWW. :) I love you guys! Oh yeah. Title taken from Three Card Trick, by the Clash. ♥
Leonard didn’t know how he made it to his cabin. He didn’t know how Jim had found out. Leonard stumbled when he remembered Jim’s words. ‘I’m so fucking pissed off at you right now that I can’t even stand to look at you. But the way you used me to do it? That... that was just fucked up, B-bones.’ Yeah. No doubt that Jim knew, and had been just about ready to punch him for it. Maybe Spock had told him. Maybe the madam had when Leonard had hightailed it out of there like a cat with its tail on fire. It was a blank trip back to his deck; something done by rote so many times that the doors were sliding shut behind him. Leonard couldn’t stop fucking remembering. Everything kept playing out behind his eyes like a goddamn tragic holovid. In the time that Spock had dressed and walked calmly from the room, his silence so brittle and eerie that Leonard couldn’t bring himself to break it. He had found a bar, and then a bottle, but hadn’t felt comfortable there and had beamed back to the ship. It had just been the worst sort of timing that Spock had beamed aboard right after him. He hadn’t been prepared. Between Jim’s disgust and the realization of just what he had actually done to Spock... no. No what he did to Spock was fucking amazing. Spock knowing that it was Leonard who did it, though... Leonard had just wanted to escape back to his cabin. Somehow it was fitting that he was still hungover. the pounding behind his goddamn eyeballs was penance. He stripped and stood in the ‘fresher until his skin was pruny, staring blankly at the tile as though it would somehow give him the answers he needed.
When he got out of the shower it was somehow not a surprise that Jim was pacing in his room, the fury he had kept barely under wraps from before almost skating across his skin. This was the Jim that appeared when someone had hurt him, despite all his walls. The Jim that would defend his crew. The Jim that would defend him when Leonard’s mouth had gotten them into trouble as cadets.
Jim ignored him while he slipped on a pair of sweats. Exhausted, Leonard sat on his bed, hunched over with his elbows on his knees.
“Go ahead, Jim.” His croak was just as tired as his body.
Jim snorted. “Spock won’t let me put a mark in your file. He says that it is unnecessary. Funny how fucking sexual misconduct against a commanding officer all of the sudden is unneccessary.” There was a note in Jim’s voice that Leonard had never heard before. “You know, I don’t even get it, Bones. Why? Why would you of all people be so fucking dishonest? I mean, I could almost see this as you just handling your shit badly. You have no idea. No. Fucking. idea, Bones. No idea what you’ve done to him.”
Jim’s forced laugh made something break inside of him. The way he wouldn’t look over at the bed, made Leonard’s guilt almost visceral.
“Oh hell no. You will shut the fuck up.” Leonard shut up, forcing himself to raise his own gaze, keeping it on Jim. He watched as Jim pushed his hands through his hair, gnawing on his lip. “Fucking Christ. I can’t decide what to be more pissed off about. Do you have any idea how closely you were flirting with fucking consent, Bones?”
Leonard’s eyes widened. He felt light-headed as Jim’s words hit him like a punch to the kidneys. The alcohol that was still floating around in his stomach swirled unpleasantly and Leonard stumbled as he lurched to his feet, tripping twice and barking his shin against the bedframe as he fell into the head. He made it to the toilet just barely as he vomited up everything that was in his stomach. He was there for awhile, until the dry heaves stopped, hawking bile and spit into the bowl. Consent? Had he really? Had he really done something so reprehensible? Leonard rested his forehead against the cool surface, feeling his eyeballs throb in his head. He heard Jim’s step and felt the cool cloth land on his head.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you did. And I only think that because Spock was adamant. Isn’t that a kick in the head? You went to all that trouble, when Spock would have done anything for you to even acknowledge him. Shit, even talking to him would have done fucking wonders, you stupid, stubborn fucker.” Jim watched from the doorway as Leonard pulled himself to his feet, the headache hurting so much that his teeth throbbed. Leonard heard the words that Jim was saying, but they didn’t seem to make any sense.
Jim’s voice hardened again. “What I don’t get is why you would do that for a bet. It seems a little too high school for me, man. Spock will say that he doesn't feel anything, but you absolutely humiliated him, Bones. You have to know how private he is. That’s the shit that I ... I mean, do I even know you? What possibly could have been in your head that justified that? Did Spock do some shit to you that I don’t know about?” The cadence of Jim’s voice sped up until the confusion and hurt bled through.
Leonard shook his head. Jim’s laugh was disgusted. “That’s it? Just a shake of your head?” Fuck. Fuck, you make me so sick that I can’t even...” Jim trailed off, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Whatever. You completely miserable jackass. No wonder you’ve been alone for so long. I think you like being so completely fucked up.”
Overwhelmed, Leonard couldn’t even bring himself to say anything in his own defense, if there even was anything that he could say. Numb, he watched as Jim sucked his teeth and walked out of Leonard’s room without another word. It was several minutes before he moved from the bathroom, brushing his teeth and cleaning up on autopilot.
Jim was right about one thing. Leonard did hate himself. His guilt and disgust at his own stupid, stupid actions kept him awake late into the shift rotation. It was several hours before he succumbed to sleep, unable to stop remembering the heartbreak in Spock’s expressive eyes.
Gossip on a ship like this was as sure a bet as Jim’s ego. Leonard and Spock had been sleeping together for months and Spock caught him cheating. Leonard had decided to go back to his wife. Spock was being called back to the colony. Leonard had decided to transfer.
Well, the last one wasn’t a rumor.
It was completely cowardly. Leonard was ashamed of himself every time he even thought of it, but think of it he did. Constantly. And the worst part was that he knew he deserved it. Every fucking second of the pain that he was feeling was deserved. The first week back on duty had even Chekov looking at him like he’d killed his favorite puppy. Uhura had been so completely cold that Leonard had actually been nervous during the entire, utterly silent lift ride they had shared when Leonard had been too slow to avoid being trapped with her.
Leonard didn’t bother eating in the mess. Amazingly, the only person that seemed willing to talk to him was Christine. She treated him exactly like she had before and even that had made Leonard feel sick with guilt. Like he was using her to seem normal. They had shared one meal together before Leonard had abandoned even that. Spock had come in the mess and the silence that heralded his arrival had been fucking painful. Spock’s gaze had travelled over Christine’s tightly coiled blond hair before meeting Leonard’s eyes briefly. It was several seconds before Leonard could force himself to break eye contact to stare back down at his table. Leonard had been shocked at how hungry he was for even a glimpse of Spock’s lean frame. He’d thought that Spock was going to break then. There had been a sharp bite of something in his dark gaze as his eyes had passed over Christine to him, but Leonard had been too ashamed, too disgusted with himself to try to figure it out. When Leonard noticed how the crew had started to give Christine the pariah treatment because of her personal association with him, he resolved to keep his meals to his cabin.
The idea had come to him while he had been staring blankly out into the busy Sickbay, idly observing that most of the crew avoided him if they had any choice in the matter. He couldn’t fucking do his job like this. It would be better for him if he just finished out his tour somewhere else. On some other ship. With some other crew.
In the end, he’d been too cowardly to even talk to Jim about it. He’d sent him his request on his PADD and the response had been typical Jim:
Bones you can take this transfer request and shove it up your ass. I tell you what. If you really want off this ship then you have to get Spock to approve it. And fair warning, dumbass. I talked to him. He won’t accept any of this pussified PADD shit. You’ll have to talk to him in person. If he approves it, then I will.
Figures. Leonard had almost caught himself smiling at the message, before the reality that he was being forced to talk to Spock, hit him along with the shame that he had to be forced to talk to Spock.
In fact he’d been worrying about it so much that when Christine popped into his office with some forms that he needed to sign, he was pathetically glad for the company.
“You know that you can’t hide out in here for forever, right?”
Leonard rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I can’t seem to get rid of your ass either.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha. If your grouchy man angst bear thing didn’t scare me off, then what makes you think that I’m gonna be fazed that you’re somehow able to function with your head so far up your ass?”
Leonard snorted and signed off on the requisitions. “You know that you could have just sent these to me.” His voice was a lot more subdued than he had meant it. He looked at her, all at once pathetically grateful for her loyalty.
She smiled up at him with a little quirk of her lips. “Well. Let’s just say that of all the people on this ship, I’m pretty sure that I understand completely what you’re going through. I know what it’s like to love someone that you can’t have.” She laughed a little, patting his bristly cheek. “And god knows I’ve done some stupid shit to try to get their attention.”
Of course that’s when the doors whooshed open. Spock walked in Leonard’s office, only to stop short, turn abruptly on his heel and leave
Leonard watched as Christine froze, pulling back from him so quickly that her elbow hit the PADD, sending the stylus scraping against the smooth surface. He was struck by so many different memories that he flinched away from Christine, tense and guilty. In his mind, he could clearly see Spock calmly staring at him while Leonard stitched up his finger after the shelat debacle, the almost awkward way he had stood behind him while Leonard had stared stupidly down at the replicated brownie on his tray. How he looked spread out on the bed. How he tasted.
The look on Spock’s face when he beamed back aboard and saw Leonard there in the transporter room, reeking of alcohol and struck stupid by Spock’s sudden appearance.
“Ah. Well, I’ll just finish this up. I think Ensign Clarke needed to have those boils lanced anyway. You uh. You should go after him, Doctor McCoy.”
Leonard blinked as Christine hustled out of there. He forced himself to finish his shift, attempting to concentrate on his work. It was no use. He could have been giving people Dranali herpes instead of vitamins for all he knew. It was time to do what he should have done a week ago.
He needed to go apologize to Spock.
Sometimes, Leonard just fucking missed goddamn doors. Knocking would give him time to prepare himself. The comm whistle that announced his arrival just wasn’t the same. His mama would say that Leonard was stalling as he stood here in front of Spock’s door, and his mama would be right.
Leonard’s heart jumped up into his throat. He was uncomfortably aware that his hands were sweating, and rubbed them nervously on his trousers before squaring his shoulders and walking through into Spock’s cabin. It was weird. He’d been to Jim’s a million times before. But he’d never before crossed over to this side of the corridor to Spock’s cabin.
Spock was seated at his desk, with his back to the door.
Leonard stood there awkwardly when the doors wooshed shut behind him. Spock continued to work, ignoring him completely.
“Er... do you want me to come back later?”
Leonard blew out a breath. Shit. Shit, he really was a coward. What the fuck was wrong with him? Did he really think that he deserved for Spock to make this easy?
“Okay then. Look, I’ll make this short. I... I know I should have come talked to you sooner, Spock.”
“Upon further reflection, I believe that it would be wise for you to leave, Doctor McCoy. I find that my control is not ...”
“No! I mean, No. I can’t do that. I gotta say this. I... god, Spock. I don’t know where to begin!”
“It is not difficult. You, Ensign Hanlon, and several other members of this crew sought to provoke an emotional response by placing a wager on whether or not you could, remove a small piece of a lithocarpus abori from my gluteus maximus. Then, for reasons that escape me, you decided that you would be the individual to...”
“No. Wait a damn minute, Spock.” Leonard took two steps forward, stopping just behind Spock’s chair. “I did not make a bet that I would... that... that I would have sex with you. You have to believe me. I know what I did was shitty, but I would never... I mean... You’re so... I would never...!” Spock turned to face him. Their eyes met for the first time in seven days. Leonard had been expecting Spock to be his normal Vulcany self, but still seeing a face that was completely and utterly without emotion was like a punch to the gut. Leonard took a deep, shaky breath and forced himself to just talk. “Spock. I would never do anything like that. I admit I was pretty pissed off when we started this mission. What you did to Jim by marooning him on that ice cube... what I let you do to Jim here on our own damn bridge... I just wasn’t in a good place. Pissed off at you and pissed off at myself. It’s just easier to be mad at you.” Leonard couldn’t bear looking into Spock’s eyes any longer. “Now, I can’t say why those other two brought that up. We were all complaining, and drinking, and you know how Humans can be damn fools. Add in the fact we were drinking like fishes and... no. I know that’s not an excuse.” Leonard sighed. Spock stood and Leonard held up his hand to forestall Spock’s response. The words weren’t easy, but he knew that they were long overdue. “When Jim told me that you were going to go to some hooker for ... for a fuck, I couldn’t stop thinking that you were going to be hurt. Somehow I got it in my head that if I just made sure it was me that you were fucking, then at least I could give you a good time.”
Spock blinked. His eyebrow twitched as though he wasn’t quire sure if he wanted to raise it or not.
Leonard sighed again, rubbing the back of his neck. “No.. that’s not quite true either. And this is why I think Jim wanted me to come and talk to you. I think that I need to transfer off the Enterprise. What I did to you.... it was... I’m so fucking sorry, Spock. I was so goddamn jealous that I couldn’t stand the thought of you with some gigolo. It was bad enough when I thought you and Jim were together. I... I don’t have any excuse for my behavior. I’ve never let personal shit get in the way of my job before. And that’s why. Why I think I should just go.”
Spock looked like a statue. Leonard felt sweaty and over-heated and his heart was like to jump out of his damn chest.
“I think you should go ahead and put that Transfer through, Spock. I still can’t for the life of me figure out why you didn’t put a mark on my record. Jim is right. What I did was … god. It was so fucked up and just because I didn’t see it as fucked up at the time doesn’t excuse it.” Leonard felt his shame like some type of shroud, cloaking him so completely that he didn’t know if he’d be able to move through it. When Spock just stood there, Leonard forced himself to straighten up to attention, despite the sweat dripping down the back of his neck, despite the way his stomach was lodged in his goddamn throat. Just when he was about to break, Spock spoke.
“Your logic is faulty.”
Leonard flinched. It damn near killed him to keep his mouth shut. All at once it made a lot more sense why personnel weren’t supposed to blur the lines between friendship and command crew. Jim practically encouraged a low-key discipline, although he did command a lot of respect from his crew. He’d laughed it off, telling Leonard, “Hey, Bones. We were friends first. We can be friends until they tell us we can’t, right man?” And they had. But Spock? He would no more encourage a crewmember to act informally than he would shoot someone in cold blood. Leonard had adopted Jim’s informal habits without thinking about how insensitive they were to Spock’s perspective. Leonard could feel all the blood in his face drain away as he realized how many ways he’d insulted Spock without even thinking about it. Shame warred with hopelessness and disgust at himself.
“You have given me much on which to ruminate. I require meditation and reflection. You are dismissed.”
His vision actually greyed out for a second as he reeled, struggling not to show his emotions. Leonard swallowed hard, turned on his heel and left.
The walk to his quarters seemed longer than it had ever been before. Leonard could hear his own words echoing in his head. And while it did feel better to get that off of his chest, the fact that as ridiculous as it was, he had held on to some small hope of Spock somehow... forgiving him. Now there was no point. No chance. He didn’t deserve a chance. He didn’t deserve anything. He’d managed to fuck up everything: him and Jim, him and the respect of this crew .... specially whatever he might have had with Spock-- even if just his friendship. His respect.
He swallowed again, refusing to acknowledge the way his eyes burned. He undressed, used the sonics, and threw on some sleep pants completely on autopilot. He’d had a moment of that utterly stupid spark of hope when he’d seen that he had two messages, blinking on his PADD, but when he saw that neither were marked urgent, and neither were from Spock he gave up, ordered off the lights and lay on his bunk, staring up at the dark ceiling telling himself that it was fucking infantile to cry even as the tears trickled down his cheeks.
When his doors slid open, Leonard thought for a split-second that he was dreaming. There was no way that Spock was standing in his quarters, as calmly as if he were cataloguing planetary cartography.
“I have one query, if I may, Doctor McCoy.”
Leonard jumped out of bed, all at once feeling at a disadvantage. He was rumpled from finally falling into a dead sleep, and Spock looked fresh as a goddamn daisy. “Yes. Of course, Spock.”
Spock’s eyebrow winged up in that way that Leonard no longer denied made his damn knees weak. “If what you say is indeed the truth… and you harbor some… regard for myself, then kindly explain your discourse with Christine Chapel.”
Leonard blinked. “Lights, Sixty percent.” His brow furrowed. He caught himself raising his hand to knuckle some of the sleep out of his eyes, before stopping, resolving not to twitch like a damn cadet called out for demerits in front of a superior officer. “Christine? She’s my head nurse.”
Leonard was honestly confused. He frowned as he thought. “You mean when I called her a moron? I apologized. She forgave me after I worked her shifts. Of course, she made sure I had to clean out my own bedpans for a few weeks, but that was…”
“No. Your romantic relationship. Starfleet Regulation 534.09b states that any romantic or sexual affiliation between an officer and their direct subordinate is prohibited and cause for immediate—“
“Whoa! Wait. My What?” The irony of his deja vu was not lost on him.
Spock’s lips tightened slightly. His face was perfectly blank in the way Leonard was starting to suspect was not really indicative of Vulcan calm and much more like a Vulcan about to lose his shit.
“Spock- she’s an amazing nurse. She’ll be a fucking fantastic doctor one day.” Spock actually took a step forward, and for a second Leonard’s voice faltered as he compensated by taking a step back. For just a moment, he thought he saw something in Spock’s gaze, but by the time he jerked his eyes up, Spock’s face had returned to its customary blankness. “After you and I… after we… well. After, she was a very good friend to me when I needed one. Hell, I don’t deserve her.” Leonard’s heart-rate skyrocketed when he saw that same flash of darkness in Spock’s brown eyes. Leonard thought he had spent a fair amount of time ‘Spock-watching,’ as it were. He thought he knew the tiny little nuances of what emotion Spock allowed himself to show, what they meant. There wasn’t much, of course, but it was there if you knew what to look for. Leonard liked to think that he did. But this-- was downright menacing. Leonard backed up another step before he even thought of it, blinking a little wildly when Spock stepped forward even more, forcing him to look up just slightly to continue to hold Spock’s gaze. When Leonard spoke, it was much less forthright than he would have preferred. Almost breathy.
“That is one independent woman.” Even when Leonard had humiliated him, Spock hadn’t acted like this. Leonard realized that he was doing the equivalent of poking the scary Vulcan with a sharp stick, but by this point figured it was either piss him off and hope Spock stopped in time, before actually killing him, or start babbling in fear. “Beautiful too.” Spock made a small sound in the back of his throat. He reached out and touched the line of Leonard’s jaw, the pads of his fingers just barely sliding against the five-o’clock bristle from his time spent sleeping.
“Spock. I don’t have a romantic, anything with Chapel. She’s much too good for the likes of me. I’d never sleep with her. Or try to romance her for Christ’s sake. She’s my colleague, and she’s kind enough to call me her fr—“
Maybe he should have seen it coming. Spock had been practically vibrating like a damn tuning fork, barely able to contain his energy. Spock simply tightened his grip on Leonard’s jaw, tilting his face to the most optimal angle. Spock was not shy, or nervous, or awkward. When his lips crashed down onto Leonard’s, Leonard thought he might faint- simply collapse like a damsel in distress out of one of his romance holos. Spock kissed like he did anything else he deemed worthy of his attention. Before Leonard quite knew what happened, his back was crashing against the bulkhead while Spock’s lips moved over his, licking into the seam of Leonard’s lips as though they had kissed hundreds of times before. Leonard could barely keep up. Eventually though, he managed to rip his lips away from Spock’s, long enough to suck in two deep breaths. Instead of stopping, Spock just shifted and began nuzzling at Leonard’s jaw, his cheekbone, the spot behind his ear.
“Your logic is faulty,” he repeated, his voice a low growl in the back of his throat. Hearing it did things to Leonard’s stomach. “Your assumptions, no doubt based on excellent methods of research, did not provide the result that you wished. You assume that I was not cognizant of the fact that it was you that I allowed to touch me, Doctor McCoy.” Spock bit down on Leonard’s earlobe.
Granted, Leonard was having a little trouble keeping up, especially given that all of the blood in his brain seemed determined to travel southward as quickly as it could, but even that made sense to his lust-fogged brain. “You… you knew?”
“Indeed.” Spock pulled away just enough so that he could look into Leonard’s hazel eyes, his left eyebrow cocked high enough that it almost disappeared into his hairline.
Perhaps no one had told Spock that smugness was definitely an emotion.
“After our conversation in your office, my curiosity to the reason of your irate nature led me to believe that you were experiencing the human emotion of jealousy at the thought of my future sexual congress with another individual. When discussing the matter with the Captain, he too seemed to agree that you were acting in a most perplexing manner.”
Leonard didn’t know what expression was on his face- he had a feeling that ‘soul-stupefying shock’ wasn’t a good look on him- but whatever it was, Spock seemed to take pity on him. “You launched your tea mug at the bulkhead, resulting in a crash that, while muffled enough for human aural frequencies, was still easily discernable to my Vulcan hearing.”
“But… but the neural-blockers!” Leonard felt his face start to burn with shame as he began to realize just exactly what had transpired here. “You said they were ‘operating at optimal specifications’!”
“I perhaps… exaggerated at their effectiveness.”
“You … lied?!”
“Vulcans do not speak untruthfully, Doctor McCoy.”
Leonard shut his mouth with a little ‘pop’ of sound. Spock’s gaze zeroed in on his mouth again with the reminder and began to kiss him again. Leonard moaned a little, overwhelmed with all of Spock’s considerable attention focused onto him. Spock seemed almost to chase Leonard’s moans with his tongue, sucking and licking at Leonard’s mouth as though it were a particularly favorite wine.
“Spock---!” Leonard gasped when Spock pushed his lower body into the vee of his thighs. He tightened his legs and held on for dear life. “You… you want…” Shit. He couldn’t even talk coherently! Leonard moved his hands up Spock’s arms, dragging his nails down Spock’s back, desperate to feel his skin. Spock’s body temperature was so much higher that his that he almost couldn’t believe how cold he felt in comparison. He wanted bare skin against his own and he wanted it now.
“Leonard, I assure you that I am precisely where I desire to be.” Spock actually thrust a little, causing Leonard’s eyes to flutter shut. “You must tell me if this is… that is to say…” Leonard peeked out of his silted eyes to see Spock’s head tilt curiously to the side as he spoke. He looked completely debauched, and the mental image of just how much more Leonard could muss him up before they were done caused him to shiver.
“Oh, hell yeah. I’m exactly where I need to be, Spock. Jesus, Christ, you have no idea how much.”
“Then am I to presume that my strength does not offend your human male sensibilities?” The smugness was back, this time with a small twitch of the left side of Spock’s lip that on anyone else would be a smirk.
Leonard’s breath left his lungs on a huff of air when Spock kissed his ear again, pulling at the lobe with a sharp nip of his teeth. He tried to get his hands situated so that he could get to Spock’s uniform top, but the angle was bad. Spock simply hitched Leonard up the wall, holding him effortlessly with one hand while Leonard scrambled get some leverage to strip off Spock’s shirts. Spock’s hold was precise; pinning Leonard’s hip to the wall, while pressing his lower body to Leonard’s, holding him just on this side of uncomfortably. Leonard tried to rock his hips, his cock practically begging for some friction. Spock responded by lowering Leonard’s sleep pants, and gripping his throbbing prick with his long fingers. Leonard was glad that Spock was holding him up, because he probably would have slithered down the wall. Their bodies were too close together to manage a proper pump of Spock’s hand, but just feeling that hand around him, and knowing it was Spock, was killing him.
Leonard lost himself for several minutes, breathing heavily, almost panting with want.
“Open your eyes, ashaym. I wish to watch you enjoy the pleasure I am giving you.”
Right. Okay then. Leonard tightened his hands on Spock’s shoulders, thrusting into Spock’s grip as best he could while Spock kissed at the long column of his neck, biting and sucking kisses into the skin.
Spock’s voice was like some deep, primal growl. The sound before a growl. Leonard heard it, felt the answering flutter deep in his gut, too turned on to be embarrassed at the sound that escaped from his throat in answer and forced open his sex-stupid gaze. Spock’s brown eyes were usually the most human thing about him. True to form, they were almost all pupil as Spock focused on Leonard’s pleasure. Before Leonard could even squirm at the fact that Spock’s hand was just on this side of too much friction, Spock tightened his grip on Leonard’s hip, walking with him to the bed.
Leonard’s lips stretched in a smile, and Spock paused, taking his hand out of Leonard’s pajamas to cup his ass.
“The empirical proof of your … emotional contentment is imminently satisfying.” Leonard landed with a wuff on the bed, bouncing twice before he lay there, sprawled with his red, sticky head of his dick poking out over the waistband of the ancient University of Mississippi sleep pants. “I have never before seen you smile.”
“Oh. Well, I guess I haven’t much had a reason to.”
Spock blinked twice, very rapidly before reaching down to trace Leonard’s lips with one finger. “Indeed.”
Leonard sucked the tip of Spock’s finger into his mouth, and watched as Spock’s eyes widened, shocked at the quick, sharp scrape of Leonard’s teeth against the soft pad of his skin. “So, let me get this straight. You were pissed because you thought I was... uh. That Christine and I were.. what. Lovers?”
Spock leaned over, pushing Leonard back down on the mattress, sliding his leg over him as though to keep him still. “I find that my... reaction to that thought exemplifies the height of human illogic.”
“Spock...” Leonard pushed at Spock’s shoulder for a second. He loved the idea of just fucking this out of his system, but Jim (damn him) had been right. Leonard really wasn’t one for a casual fuck. Spock simply rolled, moving so that he was caging Leonard with his arms, his knees perched on either side of Leonard’s hips. Leonard bit his lip, looking up at Spock’s face. “Before we do this, I gotta say... I mean, I need you to know something.”
Spock’s face stilled.
Leonard reached up and slid his fingertips over Spock’s cheekbones, over the slope of his nose, over the smooth eyebrows. He was sure that Spock could feel the slight tremor in his fingertips, and to his utter and complete shock, realized that of all of the people he knew, Spock was one of the few that Leonard felt comfortable showing this vulnerability. That more than anything made him realize how incredibly terribly he had fucked this up. Words seemed inadequate, but they were all he had. “Spock, you have to know that.. this is not a .. causal thing. You said that you were interested in physical intimacy without any ties. I... I can’t do that.”
Spock’s eyes widened slightly, and Leonard felt his muscles bunch as he started to pull away. Leonard’s hands came down onto Spock’s shoulders, holding him tightly. “No! I mean... for me. Damnit, man I’m just a country doctor, not a poet. I’m not... great. With words.” He took a deep breath. “This isn’t a casual thing for me, Spock. That’s why I was so stupid-jealous. It’s why I thought you were shackin’ up with Jimmy, and why I drove myself half insane trying to figure out a way to keep you safe while you experimented a little. I... I love you.” He lost his nerve, his voice a bare whisper at the end. Leonard licked his lips, his stomach juttering around like a Gorn on rollerskates. He made himself let go of Spock’s shoulders, staring up at Spock’s face.
When Spock leaned down to kiss the corner of his mouth, the petrifed breath Leonard didn’t even know that he was holding left him in a rush of air, blowing Spock’s bangs back. Leonard’s mind was whirling. Spock didn’t seem angry. He had come here in the middle of the night. Hell, his body language made it pretty clear that Spock had no intention of letting Leonard sleep alone tonight. Leonard slid his arms down Spock’s tight shoulders, over the muscles in his back. Spock shuddered a little when Leonard pressed against the bottom of his spine, and the flash memory of the last time he touched him like this caused Leonard to close his eyes. He felt his cock, which had softened slightly while he had babbled out his declaration, harden fully again. Spock’s nostrils flared, his eyes dilating.
Spock nuzzled his nose into the curve of Leonard’s neck and shoulder for just a moment, and all at once, Leonard understood. Spock wasn’t going to be able to be verbally demonstrative. Expecting that would be unfair to them both. But the ‘Spock-watching’ that he’d started had made it perfectly clear that Spock would allow himself to react physically. Leonard thrust a little, and Spock’s head fell back with a tiny huff of sound. Leonard grinned again, delighted. He tilted his head up and kissed at Spock’s jaw, sucking kisses into the skin until Spock moved again, like a switch had been flipped. Spock stood up, and removed his boots, his socks and his trousers. Leonard moved, kicking off his own sleep pants so that he was naked then kneeling on his bed. He expected Spock to kiss at his chest, or maybe for him to reach out and lightly touch his cock again.
Spock simply pushed him back onto the mattress, held his hips and started mouthing at his dick, trailing kisses and licks up and down the length before opening his mouth and sucking it inside.
Leonard was pretty sure he’d finally found religion.
Spock wouldn’t let him thrust up into the humid heat of his mouth. Spock took his time, exploring and driving Leonard completely insane. He tentatively rested his hand on the back of Spock’s head, even more tentatively curling his fingers into his hair, unsure of his reception, but when Spock started sucking harder, Leonard couldn’t help the way that he pulled a little, tugging hard on the soft stands of hair. It was a damn pathetic how quickly he was ready to come, but there was no mistaking the feeling as it curled deep in his gut, lighting up his entire fucking nervous system. Leonard couldn’t keep looking down, seeing Spock’s head moving, feel Spock’s dry forehead brushing against the curled skin of his abs, feeling the way Spock’s mouth moved over him. It wasn’t like Spock was being flirtatious. Leonard didn’t know if if Spock knew how to be flirtatious, but when Spock pulled off his cock, pulling into the painful tug of his hair and calmly met Leonard’s half-opened gaze with his own his prim mouth stretched over the girth of Leonard’s dick, Leonard could only shudder, gasp something that was mostly Spock’s name, and come down Spock’s tight throat.
Spock had a slight bit of Leonard’s come on his lips. He licked them, moving down over the skin of Leonard’s sensitive cock, lapping at wet, spent skin like a cat with a saucer of milk. “God... Spock, your fucking mouth!” Leonard tugged on Spock’s hair, but Spock completely ignored him, finishing his task as competently and as focused as he did everything else.
Leonard could only flop back onto the bed, staring at the Vulcan until his brain decided to come back online. Spock’s own intense stare was almost unblinking as he watched Leonard watch him. “You...”
“Is something amiss?”
“Very funny.” Leonard looked at Spock’s lithe form as he knelt on the floor, completely naked. The angle was off enough so that he couldn't see all of Spock’s body, but Leonard’s memory was just fine. In his mind’s eye he could see Spock spread out in front of him on the opulent bed in Risa, holding himself open for his mouth, unable to keep his breathing steady. “Come up here.” His voice was still hoarse, his heart still pounding in his chest.
Spock rose gracefully, his solid weight making the mattress creak slightly. Leonard stroked up his arm and smiled at him again, watching the slight darkening of the tips of Spock’s ears. “You know, I never read exactly what was on your little list. What you wanted to do. What you wanted that ... professional to do.” Leonard moved, wiggling and stretching to reach the lube in the drawer by his bed. “But whatever it is, we’re gonna need this.” Leonard spread his legs open, sitting up enough that he could prepare himself. His leg brushed against Spock’s and they both jumped, as though a current connected them. Leonard immediately pushed back against the lightly furred skin of Spock’s leg, wanting the contact. Spock leaned forward and kissed Leonard again, pressing his body into the mattress. Leonard hid a smile when Spock took the lube from his hand, and he tried not to gasp when he felt the slick fingers probing at his entrance. Spock made a low, deep sound in the back of his throat as one finger slid inside and Leonard smirked, remembering just exactly how sensitive Spock’s fingers were. He clenched a little, watching as Spock’s breath hitched in his chest. Leonard had never been all that much of a fan of fingering, but having Spock’s long, slick fingers inside of him, slowly stretching him open for his cock was slowly causing Leonard’s exhausted dick twitch where it lay against his thigh.
Instinctively he tilted his hips, and Spock’s fingers shifted in him, brushing against the small bump of nerves that caused Leonard to jerk with reaction. “That’s... yeah, uhhhhngh, Spock Jesus, that’s....” Leonard didn’t even recognize his own voice. He could feel the tension in Spock’s body, smell the clean musk of his own perspiration and groaned, biting his lip. Spock pulled out his fingers, used the tip of his middle finger to slide lube around Leonard’s twitching hole, then slid three inside of him, slowly, waiting as Leonard’s body opened up for him.
Leonard couldn’t hold his own weight on his elbows and collapsed back onto the bed, his hand flying out towards Spock’s, tangling their fingers together as the stretch, burned and pulled ... and Leonard couldn’t quite catch his breath.
“Open for me, Leonard.”
Leonard’s eyes popped open on command, and Spock kissed him again, their mouths moving filthily together, echoing what Spock’s fingers were doing to Leonard. Spock twisted his wrist and Leonard gasped again, his cock half hard as Spock gently flicked a finger over his prostate, sending Leonard’s whole body twitching until Leonard was screwing himself back down onto Spock’s fingers, panting for air that just seemed barely out of reach of his lungs.
Spock’s fingers left him with a wet squelch of sound, and Leonard felt the lube dribble down his skin, shivery cold in the environmental controls in his room. Spock slid against him, twisting so that Spock was on his back and Leonard was on top of him. Leonard was so dizzy from Spock’s mouth and his fingers and his own fucking want that he barely noticed. Spock’s dick was flushed a dark green and Leonard wanted to choke himself on it wanted to feel it on the roof of his mouth and in his throat, but wanted Spock inside of him more.
It took a few tries. As lithe as Spock was, Leonard felt awkward and gangly as he straddled him, his knee popping in the relative silence of the room. Spock’s fingers were still wet from when they had been inside of him, white-knuckled as they clutched his hips, lifting him up just far enough that Leonard could position himself properly. Leonard balanced himself with one hand against Spock’s chest, the other wrapped around Spock’s dick, fingers clutching him just under the flare of the double ridges. Spock’s hands skittered up Leonard’s back, scraping him just slightly with his fingernails, then back down. Leonard felt Spock reach the fingers on reach hand down over his cheeks, pulling him just slightly open. He licked his bottom lip, positioned the head of Spock’s dick at his own opening, and slowly slid down, taking inch by thick inch until he was fully seated.
Spock’s hands spasmed once on his hips, leaving the slightest kiss of bruises that Leonard knew he’d be tracing tomorrow, but otherwise let Leonard adjust to having Spock buried deep inside of him. The hand that he’d used inside of him slid down and around, Spock pressing his fingers against where Leonard was stretched wide.
Leonard’s balance gave out on him when Spock pressed and he fell forward, bringing his arms up to catch himself, changing the angle of where they were joined together so that Spock slid out of him just slightly. Leonard could feel the muscle almost fluttering as it tried to get used to the girth of Spock’s dick and he breathed through it, staring at Spock staring at him through half-slitted eyes.
Their lips brushed together once, then once more as Leonard slowly began to move. They found their rhythm, rocking together. The tips of Spock’s fingers kept sliding back to where Leonard was stretched around him, like he couldn’t quite believe what was happening. It hit him then that this was all new to Spock. It didn’t surprise Leonard that Spock was amazing in bed. Hell, Spock was amazing at every other aspect of his life. But the tiny little hesitant touches, as though Spock couldn’t quite believe what he was doing were just as amazing as the realization that no one had ever touched Spock like this before. Spock’s other hand brushed against Leonard’s temple, and the spark of something made Leonard’s whole body light up, going from turned on to ready to come in minutes.
“Leonard. Please, I must...”
Leonard was so shocked that he froze for a minute. He had to shut his eyes, overwhelmed with so many different feelings that for a second he felt like a damn schoolgirl, ready to laugh and cry and babble nonsense at once. It was somehow even more surreal when he felt one of the ridges on Spock’s dick brush against him from inside, pressing so that his own cock jerked from where it rubbed between them, the sweat from his body giving him just enough friction.
He leaned into Spock’s hand, watched the swollen, wet mouth as Spock said something, then Leonard was enveloped in such a deluge of emotion that he couldn’t sort out which feeling belonged to whom. Dimly he realized that he and Spock, that Spock and him, that they were moving together, coming together, entwined together so deeply that Leonard didn’t know where he ended and Spock began. It seemed ridiculous that he was worried that he would never know how much Spock loved him. It was here, enveloping him like the most comforting of hugs, the tenderest of kisses, the most poignant of shared memories. It was one think to know he was lonely. It was another to have every iota of that loneliness filled with such overwhelming adoration that Leonard could only bask in it, like an old cat following around a patch of sunlight.
It took several hours- or minutes- before Spock gently broke away from the meld, both of them still curled together, listening to their breathing sync. Leonard was aware of very little, the brush of lips against his temple, the warm cloth that cleaned him off, the heat of Spock’s body as he burrowed into it, both of them under the covers.
“Mmm?” There was just the hum of the engines for a few minutes. Leonard couldn’t seem to help the sleepy, goofy grin that stretched his mouth open, knowing Spock could feel it against his chest. Spock’s fingers brushed over his smile again, before curling in the hair on he back of his head.
“It is of no concern. Sleep well,” Leonard felt the brush of a kiss on his forehead. “My ashayam.”
“I’m sorry? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of how fucking awesome I am.”
Leonard rolled his eyes so hard that he was afraid that he’d sprained them. Damn infant. He really should have expected the smugness, but somehow he’d hoped that Jim would be more mature than I-told-you-sos.
Futile damn hope.
“Look, in a way you owe all of this...” Jim flailed his hand, almost flinging the drumstick across the room to where Bones and Spock were sitting on the couch. Spock’s attention was focused on his PADD, resolutely ignoring his smug Captain. “... this lovey dovey shit to me.”
“Really, Jimmy? How d’ya figure?”
Jim bit down on his fried chicken, trying to smirk and swallow at the same time. Leonard sat there and watched him cough as the chicken went down the wrong pipe, trying very hard not to think of Karma.
“Well, it was me that got you two together! I mean, I’m the one that pointed out that you were acting like an idiot to Spock. I’m the one who is so damn amazing that you were ... and Jesus, Bones. I can’t even believe you actually thought that I was fucking Spock, ugh! Er... no offence. Were was I? Oh yeah. That you were jealous of. If it hadn’t been for me, then you two wouldn’t be bumping uglies every time you’re off shift together.”
“Jesus, Jim! You really need that sensitivity training, Christ.”
“Captain, your logic is faulty.”
It was Leonard’s turn to almost choke on his tea. Spock, who knew exactly why Leonard was trying not to guffaw into his beverage, had the audacity to raise an eyebrow, darting a glance up at Leonard from under his eyelashes.
“How so, Spock?”
“While it may be true that you were the catalyst that pointed out Leonard’s inconsistent emotional reactions towards my actions, you were most assuredly not the individual who deserves the credit for initiating the bond between Leonard and myself.”
Spock’s lip twitched. He looked up, deliberately meeting Jim and Leonard’s gazes before focusing back on his PADD.
“Indeed. That distinction goes to Lieutenant Commander Scott. It was he who informed me of the terms of Leonard’s wager.” Spock, no fool, waited just long enough before continuing. “He also offered me another, private wager.” Spock turned his head, his intense stare meeting Leonard’s wide-eyed, shocked gaze. “He wished to place several credits on his belief that my Leonard would tell me of his regard before the year was out.”
The silence was so loud that Leonard could faintly hear people walking in the outside corridor.
“Spock! You... you bet against me?”
“Negative, Ashayam. My mother always advised me not to bet on a sure thing.”
Thank you very much for reading! <3