1lostone | Strength of Men chapter 6

Title: Strength of Men
Author: 1lostone
Pairing/Characters: K/S, mentions of other relationships
Rating/Category: NC-17
Universe: ST Reboot
Wordcount: 30K and change (so far)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. *eyeballs mortgage* Clearly.
A/N: Well, we're moving along here. Yeah, some people have guessed that some of the characters in the TOS episode Conscience of the King- only it's a redux version. And by redux, the characters are quite a lot more... evil... than in the original. *shrug* :D Thanks as always to

ladyblahblah for her amazinngness of betaing this monster- even when she has so many projects in the air- and for

ostia2006 for giving me the idea.
Warnings: H/C, Angst, Longfic, Attempts To Write Plot, Use Of Every Fandom Cliche Since The Dawn Of Time

Chapter 1 ~~ Chapter 2 ~~ Chapter 3 ~~ Chapter 4~~Chapter 5

Jim stared blankly at Spock. “Yeoman Rand?”

Spock felt odd; as though each muscle in his body was poised for flight. “Yes, Captain. The woman who was just here–I do not know her.”

The way she had lightly run her fingers over Jim’s bedspread had been unprofessional. Logically, being an attractive female, it was likely that she had been one of Jim’s past lovers, and the slightly wistful touch before she had realized they were here could have thus been easily explained. However, thought Spock was hardly an expert on the complexities of human emotion, even he recognized that the way the woman had left here was suspicious. Her facial features upon seeing Jim and Spock watching her would seem to suggest extreme anxiety.

“Rand transferred out at the last Starbase. Personal leave. Honeymoon, I think. Yeoman Karidian took over for her, hm. . . I would guess about a month ago. Why, Spock?” There was tension in Jim’s voice. Spock found himself displeased at the distress that surfaced with the question; the captain suddenly tensed up, looking much like he did when Spock had come upon he and the doctor in the corridor.

“I found her actions curious.” He saw Jim relax as Spock verbally dismissed the subject. Spock turned again to the computer, fingers flying over the keys as he thought. He took up the threads of their previous conversation. “It would appear that whoever was responsible for your incapacitation does indeed still remain on the ship.”

“Unless they used something besides our transporters to snag me.”

“Indeed. Erasing their molecular signature through the transporters would also be quite challenging.”

“I don’t know about that. I mean, I could do it.”

Spock turned and looked at him for a moment. “Your mental acuity is not that of a typical human.” Spock could see the slight reddish tinge in the vicinity of Jim’s cheeks and found a strange sense of satisfaction that his words put it there.

“I just mean that if I can do it, then others might be able to too.”

“I am aware, Captain. In addition, the shift change from Alpha to Beta has occurred. You have an officer meeting momentarily.” He was quite certain that Jim had managed to forget in the short time. “I would understand if you would like me to head the meeting in your stead. Your earlier emotional outburst would seem to indicate that you are not ‘okay’ as you claimed to Dr. McCoy. It would be best if you go to sickbay and allow him to assist you.”

Jim flinched.

“I’m fine. I’ll catch up with Bones later.”

“’Fine’ is a non-sequitur, captain. I find myself curious about your definition of the word. Your earlier actions would indicate a less than optimal emotional state.”

“Don’t mother-hen me, Spock. I said I’m fine and I meant it. What do you want to know? God, I reek.” Jim stripped off his outer shirt and tossed it in the general direction of his bed. The undershirt he also flung away. He walked into the bathroom. “Spock?” The question was muffled while the captain began cleaning his teeth.

Spock found that it took a moment for him to collect the thread of his previous line of inquiry. The way this human approached casual nudity was nothing less than astounding. “If you and Dr. McCoy are lovers, then why do you not let him comfort you?”

“Whaaat!?”

Jim popped out of the bathroom so fast it looked as though he had been transported. He was naked to the waist, holding a wet towel and seemed to have been in the process of washing his body. Most of his chest was still damp. He was staring at Spock with an expression of shock that even Spock could clearly read. Spock turned back to the computer, busying himself. Nyota had claimed that he needed to work on something called ‘segueing’ into conversational queries. Perhaps she did have a point.

“It has been my observation that human lovers tend to provide emotional support to one another. Indeed, it is clear that you and the doctor are quite close. I am just curious why you did not allow him to try to comfort you.”

Jim opened his mouth, started to speak, and then closed it once again. “I can’t believe the younger me showed you that. We were in my head for me to try to get over myself, and you end up with a view of one of the most …” He sighed. “What you saw was a long time ago. And we didn’t actually um... have sex. That night you saw was mostly a combination of alcohol and stupidity. We’re not lovers, Spock.” Jim took the towel and finished wiping the water off of his skin. He disappeared back in the bathroom again, walking rather quickly; face and neck flushed a much darker red. Spock noted idly that this blush did not produce the same emotional reaction in him that the captain’s previous blush had done. Curious.

Spock stifled a sigh. Nyota had also frequently admonished him not to ‘jump to conclusions’ based solely on his logic and observation of human behavior. She claimed that there was no way to properly predict how someone would act in any given situation. The image of Jim, features clearly in the grip of some emotion, almost running away from Dr. McCoy earlier in the corridor warred with the memory of the impish, childlike version of Jim who had taunted him, causing Spock to speak almost without fully considering his words.

The sexual proclivities of this human should not warrant so much deliberation. He had no logical answer for why he kept going back to the thought.

“Hey, Spock?”

Spock had been so deep in thought that he had not realized that Jim had returned to the room. He was in the process of struggling into the black undershirt of his uniform, voice muffled by the fabric when he spoke.

“Yes, Captain.”

“Are you planning on telling anyone what you… saw?”

Spock’s eyebrow rose. “I do not believe that the information is mine to share. I am aware that you did not want me there with you, Captain. I am deeply sorry that my mistake made it so I had to witness such deeply personal thoughts. You may be certain that I will not tell any of your subordinates any of the events that have transpired.”

Jim reached out and touched Spock’s arm. As in the meld, there was almost an electric feeling to their touch. Spock could hear Jim’s quick inhalation of air, although he covered his surprise with a smile. His own heartbeat increased. For the first time he allowed himself to question the necessity of having his counterpart break the bond with this man. How was it possible to still have such a physical reaction to a simple touch?

“I didn’t mean that you would go tattling on me.” He bit his lip, looking down for a moment at the floor, and then removed his hand from Spock’s forearm. When he looked up again he was smiling a little. “I was looking for you for forever in that place. Just wandering around, lost. I was so confused, Spock. I felt scared, and yeah that’s hard to admit to you. But I was so fucking scared that I wouldn’t get out of there. It was the worst feeling. Then all of a sudden, you were there and I knew I was going to be safe.” Spock found himself holding his breath while Jim spoke.

“One other thing. I really do wish you would call me Jim. You know more about me than anyone. I think it’s permissible to be on a first-name basis.” He smiled again and took a step back, breaking the moment.

Spock watched while Jim walked to the small closet and rummaged inside to find a gold overshirt and found himself wishing that he could properly mediate in order to completely calm his mind. The emotions that this human could provoke in him, often without trying, were occasionally overwhelming.

“Okay. I don’t smell like a week-old corpse now. Let’s go.”

Spock was still slightly bemused as he followed his Captain out of the room.

***

“Captain, it’s so good to have you back!”

“Thank you, Lieutenant. It seems like you guys have been busy while I’ve been on my little vacation.” Jim crossed to his chair and sat down, nodding at everyone seated around the table, striking up a conversation with Sulu who was beaming with delight.

Spock stood at the door for a moment, clutching his hands behind his back. He watched the interplay between the captain and his officers. Everyone had adopted--after much urging on Jim’s part-- relaxed attitudes when interacting while not on duty. Here in the conference room, that attitude was even more informal. It reminded Spock of the almost giddy feeling Academy cadets seemed to experience--at least the young, human ones--after completing their exams. They were all exhibiting postures that indicated how happy they were to have their captain back, their shoulders rounded as they conversed quietly with each other, body language calm and relaxed. Spock walked in, noting idly that as he sat down, spines seemed to straighten and grins seemed to, well not disappear exactly, but certainly become more restrained.

“Thank you all for coming. I have a feeling we have a lot to discuss.”

Uhura snorted, throwing Jim a speaking glance. While the two had never become particularly close towards each other, their professional relationship had grown enough that they were no longer communicating through sarcasm and rolled eyes. Spock found this much more satisfactory. Clearly it was more logical to have a bridge crew that respected and liked each other.

“I don’t even know where to start.” Jim sighed, and for a moment while running a nervous hand through his hair, the confident, cocky image he projected cracked a little.

“Captain. Per Commander Spock’s request, Lieutenant Sulu and I went over the other ship very carefully. I dinnae know what he was hopin’ tae find, but we do have more information than we did previously.” Scott was spinning his chair from left to right. He caught Spock’s gaze and straightened, immediately ceasing all extraneous movement.

“Great job recovering the ship..”

“Aye. There was nothin’ really of value on board. Memory banks hae been wiped prior tae the self-destruct sequence. And I do mean ‘wiped’. Daft bastards made sure nothin’ could be salvaged. Most of equipment had been gutted and burned. . Quite annoying, that was. I still hae the pieces o’ course. I maebbe able to discover something else, but right now that’s fairly much a dead end.”

“We dinnae-“ Sulu gave Scotty a dirty look. “Did. Not. Know for certain who pirated the ship, but its registry was listed as missing during a raid near the neutral zone seven standard months ago.” There were some stifled grins around the table. Spock looked around at the amusement on his companion’s faces. It was only logical for people who spent a large amount of time together to start emulating the speaking patterns of their cohorts. He failed to see why this was humorous.

Dr. McCoy picked up the thread of the conversation. “We recovered the body found on the ship.” Kirk stiffened. “I informed Starfleet of the medically relevant details.”

Spock could see Jim’s hand curl into a fist from where it rested on the arm of his chair. “I... I forgot about Thomas. God.” He bowed his head for a moment, rubbing his temple with his right hand. When he spoke, the words were soft, as though he was not aware that he was speaking out loud. “I’ll have to tell his wife.”

“I can do it for you, Jim. If you need me to.” McCoy also spoke softly. Spock found that he didn’t care for the unprofessional way the doctor angled his body towards the captain, as though he were about to reach out to touch him.

Spock shifted in his seat, his leg brushing briefly against the captain’s. Spock felt the same jolt of awareness again Jim sat up, hand falling away from his head. “No, Bones. It’s my duty. I’ll be fine.” and found that for a moment he wasn’t focusing on the doctor’s words.

“Thomas Leighton. I don’t think I need to go into particular details on his injuries. I’ve submitted my report, and any of y’all can access it. He and Ensign Reed were the only two casualties found on the ship. The device that killed the Ensign was set to kill anyone who disrupted a certain pocket of energy particles that had been distributed over the transporter. Spock, you were damn lucky you moved in time. That was a pretty nasty little booby trap they set up.”

“So, he left me there to die.”

“The level of complexity does suggest a formidable enemy, Jim.”

Jim’s shoulders straightened against the back of his chair. His blinding smile at Spock’s informality caused a strange feeling in the region of Spock’s chest. He idly noted that it had been 2.5 days since he had partaken of sustenance. Perhaps he was hungry.

“Each step of their plan was meticulously planned,” Spock went on. “The Klingon ship was stolen and later modified for use. The planet, which we confirmed had no signs of sentient life, was chosen because of the electric field’s disruptive abilities. Your communicator was found on the planet’s surface. Had the enemy vessel’s self destruct sequence been completed we would likely still be searching for you on that planet.”

“So how did you know to come to the ship?”

“Ensign Chekov had located two life forms on the ship’s surface. He found the information before the science officer stationed on bridge duty.” Spock did not arbitrarily complement people, but he found the young genius to be exceptionally receptive to praise. Indeed, at his words the young human smiled brightly, then immediately sobered as though told some dreadful news. Spock noted that to his left, Lieutenant Uhura covered her smile with her hand.

“If the Ensign had not made that discovery you would not have been found.” Spock found the prospect of that highly unacceptable. “We made preparations to beam down to the surface and learned that the electronic disturbance cycled through a short window of approximately six minutes. By the time we detected the pattern the window had already passed. It took us another cycle to beam down to the planet’s surface, whereupon the away team discovered that you were not on the planet.”

“Then, what? You just found me?”

“Not exactly. I searched the ship for the lifeform indicated on the tricorder. I located where you were being held prisoner, released you from your bindings and was able to repair some of the navigation equipment. I contacted the Enterprise, and we were beamed aboard.”

Jim moved his elbows to the surface of the table, resting his lips on his steepled fingers as he thought. He stood up, pacing back and forth in a flurry of motion. They were all used to the captain having such a reaction, as though he had kept himself unmoving for as long as he could absolutely stand before practically erupting with energy, mumbling under his breath as he paced.

“So. Questions. How’d I get off the ship? That’s the biggest fucking case of mutiny I’ve ever heard of. When I catch whoever did this I’ll maroon their ass on Delta Vega and see how they like becoming lunch for that red lobstery thing. So I remember that fucker Kodos. Have to assume that he’s going after Kevin and the rest, or why would me n’ Tommy be on the same ship? Why now? Why after all this time?” He stopped moving and whirled to face Spock. “What does Starfleet say about this?”

Spock found every pair of eyes suddenly on him with varying degrees of intensity.

“Starfleet did not seem to feel that your recovery was of paramount importance. I did not concur. I believe regulations state that you must take action against me for my insubordination in captaining the ship to New Vulcan for your recovery.”

Jim stopped pacing. He turned to look at Spock, sitting at the head of the table.

“Bad Vulcan. No cookie.” He shook his finger and grinned.

Spock’s lips twitched.

“After you were returned to the ship, Spock brought all of us in here and showed a communication between him and Admiral Pike. We were told to mind our own business. The Commander made it clear that he was interested in finding this Kodos person. We agreed with him, sir.” Sulu leaned forward, tapping one finger on the table’s surface as though emphasizing his point.

“You guys can’t possibly…”

“We can and we will, keptin. There is a saying in my homeland. The wengeful willian who wages war without walor will not be wictorious .”

There was a silence. Spock noted that Dr. McCoy, Lieutenants Uhura and Sulu along with Commander Scott looked to be studying the grain in the wooden conference table. Carefully. Jim was clearly biting the inside of his cheek.

Interesting.

“Ah, thanks Chekov. That means a lot to me. But, I won’t let anyone do anything that will mar their Starfleet record.”

“Captain, if I can ask, you mentioned ‘catching them’. Who were you talking about?” Sulu titled his head, looking directly at the captain as he continued to pace around the room.

Jim flopped down in his chair. “I’ll have to get back to you guys on that one. I think Spock is gonna have to read my mind again to figure it out.”

Spock sat up straight. “I beg your pardon, Captain?”

“I was thinking you could do another one of those meldy things. It’s so frustrating. It’s like I can see who attacked me… but I just can’t make out their features.”

“I do not know if that would be wise. I would need several hours of meditation before I could attempt such a thing again.”

Jim was quiet for a moment. “Okay. Well, thanks for catching me up, folks. Why don’t we break today and see what we can find out. I have to contact Starfleet anyway. That should be fun. Bones, do you still have any of that whiskey you smuggled off that Romulan freighter?”

“Smuggle! I did no such thing. I won that fair and square.”

“Whatever. Bring it. I have a feeling I’m going to need some after this. Spock, we okay to meet tomorrow? Will that give you enough time?”

“That should be sufficient.”

“Alright. That’s a wrap, guys. Try not to have too much fun without me.”

Spock stood and pushed in his chair. He could see that Nyota wanted to speak with him, but the prospect of being so casually asked to meld with his captain had, to use the human vernacular, thrown him for a loop. He desperately wanted to be alone. He needed to center himself, to calm this chaotic mass of emotion before he was once again compromised. He made his way to his quarters.

“Lights down 40 percent.” Mindful of his earlier physical reaction, Spock crossed over to his replicator and ordered a salad of a mix of Terran and Vulcan vegetables. He ate mechanically, quickly doing so for the nutrition he needed to be able to center his katra during the energy expelled during mediation. Similarly, he drank a light Androian fruit drink he was quite fond of so that he would not be dehydrated after his meditation.

He then crossed into the bathroom, stripping off his uniform and stepping into the sonic shower. He heard a muffled thud and what sounded like a laugh over the sound of the sonics from the other side of the bulkhead. Spock’s eyes closed of their own accord as he listened to the sounds in the other berth. Jim. And the doctor.

Both his and the captain’s quarters were mirrors of one another, partially separated by the shared bathroom with the rest of their quarters separated by a bulkhead. There were two doors that opened on either side of the small bathroom, each mechanized so that the door wouldn’t open if someone was in there without a specific override. To be heard so clearly Jim and the doctor had to be sitting near the eating area, quite possibly sharing an alcoholic beverage. Not for the first time, Spock wondered what it would be like to partake in that particular human ritual. He stepped out of the bathroom and walked naked to his closet, dressing quickly in one of the few Vulcan mediation robes he owned.

He lit the candle. It was a familiar scent, calming and bittersweet at the same time. His mother had once told him that smell was the sense Humans most associated most with memory. Spock had found that his candles- made from particular version of Vulcan sage and Terran lavender , with the spicier scents of sandalwood and musk mixed throughout-- allowed Spock to decrease the muscle tension with every deep, steady breath he took. He shut his eyes, relaxing each muscle, preparing to go into a meditative trance, almost desperate for the cold unattachment his shields provided. His breathing became steadier, slowing past the normal Vulcan respiration and into--

A burst of laughter from Jim’s room caused Spock’s eyes to pop open. His breath caught, sharp and staccato as he sucked in a gasp of air. The bulkhead was thin enough that he could discern murmurs of sound, but not actual words. A low grinding sound. He was appalled to realize that he was clenching his teeth at the interruption.

Spock began his breathing exercises again, determined to relax enough to properly mediate. His breathing slowed. Calm, quiet blackness. Time often had no meaning during meditation. His training allowed him to go as deeply as he wished, relying on his inner sense of time to rouse him if he were needed. Spock assumed his regular rhythms and patterns, sorting through information in his brain as it came to the forefront of his subconscious.

Jim Kirk. The fleeting thought summoned memories of his time in Jim’s psyche. A flash of blue eyes. The barrage of information, the sharing of memory, had been so far out of his realm of experience that he had refused to think about everything he had witnessed.

Worse, he was once again emotionally compromised. The guilt at bonding with Jim--even accidentally--and then breaking that bond, was like some sinister thing, ready to spring on him at any moment. To break something that had the potential for such beauty was sickening. Spock could clearly remember the incandescence of his counterpart’s bond. His own had been tenuous. Weak. Unformed, unconsummated, but with the potential for such exquisite joy.

And he had had it terminated.

He was deeply disturbed to find that he could still pick up faint strains of what Jim was feeling. That shouldn’t happen at all with a psi-null if he wasn’t physically touching him. Spock could detect a sense of calmness, of relaxed camaraderie from Jim. There was no denying that it ‘felt’ like Jim; even his brief foray into the other man’s mind had left Spock with a clear understanding of what Jim’s mind felt like. This echo of understanding didn’t distract Spock from his meditative state, however. It was a whisper; a low buzz of occasional feeling. He was able to turn his thoughts even more deeply inward, sorting through the events of the past few days, building and solidifying his personal shields. Ideas and theories, speculation and hypotheticals were made and discarded until—

The scream brought him out of his trance. There was a loud thud against the bulkhead, and Spock was up and moving towards the bathroom without making the conscious decision to move. He barked the override to allow him into Jim’s room and came up short, staring, robe swirling around his legs as he froze.

Jim was huddled in on himself, holding up a hand as though to ward off a blow. His long frame was folded so that his face was on his knees, hidden by one of his forearms. The residual echo from the broken bond pulsed with terror. Broken cries were muffled, yet still horribly loud in the otherwise silent room.

Spock observed that the doctor was in the process of slowly backing away from his friend.

“What have you done?”

Chapter 7