Matchmaker, Matchmaker Pt III

[1lostone]

Title: Matchmaker, Matchmaker

Written: for logical_stimuli 's prompt at the kink meme, mostly because it cracked me the hell up. Here's what they wrote: We all know Q loves to cause problems, so what if he decided to play matchmaker (not thinking it would actually work) between Kirk/Bones or Kirk/Spock. I imagine Q would be excellent at this since he can stop time, change his appearance and pretty much be everywhere at once.

Universe: Reboot, with mentions of TNG

Pairing: K/S, naturally.

Rating: Adult

Warnings: Humor, Romance, use of commas, etc.

A/N: You don't need to have seen TNG Q episodes to understand this fic. Just know that some of the dialogue comes directly from both Q Who and Deja Q (which is my absolute favorite Q episode evah!!.)  as always, thanks to ladyblahblah  for being an awesome beta. Any mistakes are mine because I can't keep fiddling with things.  yesterdays_girl , I love ya and ty for the encouragement and help!

Word Count: a shitload. (20,604)

---

'WAIT! Wait, wait. Wait!"

"Was there something you needed, dear woman?" Q's look of polite interest seemed to make Guinan even more furious.

"You can't just have them fall into bed together and expect that to make up for what you did!"

"I don't understand. They seemed rather focused. Happy, even. Perhaps a bit … sticky."

Guinan took a step forward, eyes narrowed. Q took a hasty step backwards, putting up his hands. He sighed, gustily. "Oh, very well."

She looked suspicious. "No interfering. You can't just wave your hands and make them fall in love with each other."

Q frowned. Damn intrusive woman. "Fii-iiine. I won't make them fall in love with each other. Now shoo. Shoo!" He snapped his finger and disappeared in a flash of light, wondering if Guinan realized he had only agreed to part of her statement.

******

---

"Captain Kirk!"

"Governor Kah'ous. It is a pleasure to meet you. This is Commander Spock, Lieutenant Uhura, and Ensign Chekov over there on the transporter." Spock and Uhura nodded politely. Chekov gave a little wave. They had arranged for the young man and two of his aides to accompany him up to the Enterprise. The younger council members had wanted to see the starship, so Jim and the greeting party had met them in the transporter room.

"Please call me Jordun."

Jim held out his hand and grasped Jordon's forearm. Uhura had debriefed him on the proper way to greet a Gohldarian. Jordun mirrored Jim's grip, their hands sliding down over each other's wrists, the first two fingers of each hand brushing lightly together before they each let go. Jim heard a gasp of air behind him and recognized that Spock had made the sound before turning to repeat the gesture to the other two Gohldarians.

He turned slightly to meet his First Officer's gaze, concerned that he had already managed to screw up. Spock looked furious for a moment before changing his expression into one of absolute placid blankness.

"Jordun. You expressed a desire to see the workings of the Enterprise. If you are amenable, I would like the three of you to consider yourselves my guests. We have prepared a light meal. Perhaps afterwards we can take a tour." Jim smiled at the young man in front of him, proud of how diplomatic-y he sounded.

Jordun looked as though he had died and gone to heaven. "Yes! Please, that sounds wonderful." He linked his arm with Jim's and looked around as though he expected something amazing to occur on demand.

"Captain, if you will excuse me, I have some experiments that need my attention." Spock's voice was mild.

"I have preparations to make for the meal, sir. Please excuse me." Uhura smiled brightly at the dignitaries and followed Spock out of the door.

"Sure. Jordun, are you ready?" Oh god, they were going to leave him alone with the kid and his interplanetary squee squad. Not for the first time, Jim wished that all this nonsense could have been accomplished on the planet, instead of his ship. Jim threw his two senior officers a rather panicked glance, narrowing his eyes at their backs as they left.

"Can we see the planet? Can we see Engineering? How about the Bridge? Ooooh, can I sit in your chair?"

Jim felt the beginnings of a headache start to throb behind his eyes.

***

---

Jim wanted to whistle under his breath. The meal  had been a success. Uhura had seen to the details of the entire affair, making sure that there were several delicacies from both Gohldar IV and several other planets, and thank god because if Jim had had anything to say about it, they would have been eating pizza and beer and calling it a night.

Jordun had attached himself to Jim in a way that made Jim start to sort of fear for his virtue. He had lost count of the number of times that he'd had his arm stroked, or his ass grabbed. Jim had just smiled, and if his smile occasionally looked a bit more like a grimace than an actual smile, well, he didn't think anyone would blame him. Much. Pike had been so amused by the whole situation that, perversely, Jim had promised himself that he would do everything in his power to make the mission a success. He had had the feeling that the eyes of the rest of the higher-ups of Starfleet were all over him, and if allowing a little grabass made Jordun and his controlling vote agree to the Federation's trade agreement then so be it.

Jordun was now the proud owner of an autographed picture of Jim and his bridge crew, a replica Starfleet uniform, a Tribble, and the glass that Jim had sipped wine out of at the dinner, wrapped in a napkin and stored carefully in Jordun's satchel. Jim had the feeling that he wasn't supposed to know about the last item. Jordun had been ecstatic to tour Engineering and the rest of the ship, but had been in raptures when Jim had allowed him to sit in his command chair.

Still, it was with quite a sense of relief that he steered the party back to the transporter room. He was ready for this to be over. Spock hadn't betrayed by so much as a twitch of an eyebrow what he and Jim had been up to earlier. In fact, he had been downright apathetic to Jim on the bridge, in the kind of prissy passive-aggressive way he had. Jim had figured he had done something wrong, but wasn't sure what it could have been. Duty came first, of course. He could always talk to Spock later.

Spock had stood aside while Jordun had bounced around in Jim's command chair, not looking at or acknowledging his Captain. He had watched impassively as Jordun acted out the last few minutes of Nero's demise, pew pew pewing with a pretend phaser at the viewscreen. Jim stood beside Spock, shoulders just barely brushing. Spock had moved so that they weren't touching, hands clasped behind his back in his customary parade rest.

Jim had smirked inwardly, and as he corralled their guests back into the turbolift, had brushed his hand against Spock's, projecting as hard as he could the memory of them writhing together against the wall of Jim's quarters. Spock's head had whipped around so fast that Jim had taken an instinctive step back. Jim just grinned and followed the three Gohldarians to the lift.

Jim began saying goodbye to the three dignitaries. Jordun pouted a little when Jim politely refused to have dinner with him on his planet. The doors swished open behind them, and Jim couldn't help the way his whole face lit up when he saw Spock standing there, just inside the door.

Jordun's wide, doe-like eyes moved from Spock and back to Jim for a moment before the muscles around his mouth tightened imperceptibly. He hissed something to his aides in Gohldarian, then turned beaming to Jim, holding out his hand to say goodbye. As their fingers slid together, Jordun barked out what was clearly an order, grabbing Jim's hand and yanking him close before he could do much more than let out a startled gasp. He felt Jordun's lips on his, arms wrapping around Jim's shoulders and the strange feeling of being pulled apart as a transporter engaged, taking Jim away from the Enterprise.

The last thing he saw was Spock's wide eyes as he took a step towards the transporter pad.

***

---

"Why hello there, Command…oooph!" Q's chipper greeting ended abruptly as an enraged Vulcan slammed him against the wall. With a flash of light, Spock appeared ten feet away, feet frozen to the spot.

"Now, Commander. That was awfully emotional of you."

"You will return Captain Kirk to the Enterprise immediately." Spock's body fairly vibrated with suppressed rage.

Q walked slowly towards Spock, his smile showing a lot of teeth. "Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. I hardly think that you're in a position to be giving me orders."

Spock glared.

"Besides. I didn't have anything to do with him being taken. But here. Since you're so concerned, you can watch what's going on if you want."

There was another flash of light, and a large viewscreen appeared on the wall across from them. Spock could see Jim sitting in a dark room. He looked to have been badly beaten. Jim sat there, curled in on himself, face on his knee, eyes shut. He was gagged, and there was blood caked around the corners of his mouth.

He seemed to be waiting for something. There was the sound of a door clanging shut, and Spock watched with a strange twitch in the vicinity of his stomach as Jim flinched. Two bulky Gohldarians walked up to him, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him back towards the table. Jim fought, scrambling. His movements were restricted enough that he couldn't really do much. The guard on the left casually punched him in the stomach, causing Jim to cry out. Spock's own stomach tensed in reaction, as though he could take the blows on himself. Spock swallowed hard as he watched Jim being restrained onto the table. The guards were casually violent, the dull thuds of their fists hitting Jim's body causing Spock to tense further and further.

"Oww-wie, that looks like it hurts. Oh, here's the good part. Watch, now."

Spock absolutely loathed this Q being with everything in him. He was still frozen to the spot, breathing a little heavier with each blow Jim took. Jim lay passively on the table now, head turned away from his tormentors. The bulkier one on the right took what looked to be a large hypodermic needle out of a case. It had some sort of red fluid in it. Jim was too exhausted to move as they injected him with the contents.

"Aw, that's so sad. See… spoiler alert… but they don't know about your Capitán's crazy physiology. I mean, really. Who is allergic to horses during this day and age? What they just gave him is going to cause his lungs to slowly shut down. All those tiny, fragile Human capillaries will burst. Those beautiful blue eyes will slowly dim as all the life bleeds out of him. Sad, really. All they meant to do was keep him pliant and open to suggestion. It will be quite a shock when Governor Kah' ous sees what his little machinations have accomplished. "

Spock could see Jim begin to struggle breathing. "What do you hope to accomplish by showing me these things?" He despised the weakness in his voice, the shaky way it wavered. He could not look away from Jim's face.

"Oh. Well, I thought you might want me to stop it. I can you know. Just a little flick of my wrist and your Capitán will be right as rain, back on the Enterprise that he adores so much. There's just one little thing." Q paused, taking a step closer to the Vulcan, partially blocking the viewscreen with his body.

"You'll have to take his place."

Spock didn't even have to think about it. Save Jim? Preserve the life that had come to mean so very much to him? His eidetic memory flooded with hundreds of images of them on the bridge, on away missions. Recent, intimate images that caused him to wish fleetingly that he had responded to some of Jim's obvious overtures for friendship, instead of wasting so much time.

Spock blinked once, looking for the first time fully into Q's eyes.

"Yes."

*****

---

Ugh.

Jordun might have been a prime example of man . . . well, Gohldar-hood, but his breath? Fucking disgusting. Jim opened his eyes to push him away…

… and came face to face with Q instead, whose lips were still pursed as though to give him a giant kiss on the lips.

Jim moved his head as far away from him as he could. Uggghh!

Q frowned in mock sadness. "Mon Capitán. After all we've shared together? You would reject me now?" Jim found himself reeling as he was pushed away. He landed hard on his ass, teeth snapping together as he landed.

"And after I saved you from being kidnapped off your own ship? That's really a no-no. Starfleet tends to be quite put out with such lax security."

Jim was lucky he hadn't bitten his tongue. He wiggled his lower jaw for a second before trying to stand… and found that he couldn't move.

"You? Saved me?"

Q threw up his hands and snapped his fingers, a squishy chintz armchair appearing out of nowhere. He sat, regally crossing his legs, looking down at Jim with a sorrowful look on his face. He sighed deeply. "I understand that your upbringing might have left you with some … shall we say… trust issues, but really. That Jordun character had some quite unsavory things planned for you. Positions never-before imag..well, I guess you probably have. But normal Humans wouldn't have had a clue." He tsked again under his breath. "Shame really. I wish I could have saved him as well."

Jim quit his struggling to get to his feet and froze for a second, eyes narrowing. "Saved who?"

"Whom, dear boy. Saved whom." Q paused looking mournfully over at the wall.

Jim turned his neck, trepidation causing a fine sweat to break out on his body. It was as though he knew what was going to happen a spilt-second before he saw it. The wall had turned into a viewscreen and as the image swam into view, he heard Q answer his question.

"Why your Spock of course. They were so very irked when you disappeared right from under their noses."

Spock was sitting in a room, naked. His body was curled in on itself to preserve any body heat that he possibly could. It didn't seem to be working. Jim could see Spock's breath in the room. Spock was shivering so hard that he was actually twitching on the floor. Jim looked hard at the screen. There seemed to be no exits, the stark metal of the floor and walls gleaming coldly.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Get him out of there!" Jim couldn't look away from Spock. It was absolutely inconceivable to see him so helpless. Jim renewed his efforts to move, as though if he could just get to the viewscreen he could stop this somehow.

"I cannot. I wish I could, believe me." Q shifted in his seat and watched, eyes flicking over the screen. He sighed again, sadly.

Spock's eyes opened once and he moaned on a stuttered breath. Jim could see that his lips had tuned a strange pale green color as his body temperature dropped. The tips of his ears were already almost white. Spock's eyes were dazed, tired. As though he was giving up.

"No! There has to be something you can do!" Jim could feel the hot sting of tears in his eyes.

Q looked from the viewscreen to Jim, who was still struggling desperately. "There is one thing."

Jim's heart gave a hopeful leap. "What?" he whispered, the word strained.

Q leaned forward, filling Jim's vision so that he blocked the viewscreen with his body. "You'll have to take his place."

Jim blinked rapidly. He thought briefly of the Enterprise. Of her crew. Of her First Officer. His throat tightened so much that he couldn't swallow. Jim's head lowered, feeling wetness on his cheeks. When he spoke, the one syllable was strong with all the confidence of his command.

"Yes."

***

---

A flash of light.

Jim shook his head as the light cleared. He didn't feel cold. Shouldn't he be cold? He stood there for a second, strangely afraid to open his eyes.

There was a gasp of air; a rush of feet and Jim was enveloped in strong arms holding him tightly. Jim's eyes flew open and could see Spock looking at him so intensely that for a moment Jim couldn't breathe. Spock's hands ran over his arms, his chest, pulling off his uniform shirts so that he could check the flesh underneath as though needing to see with his own eyes that Jim was unharmed.

"How… How are we? But you were…."

Jim's words stuttered from the blatant possession in Spock's touch. Spock's hands were hot on his skin, stroking up over his chest to his neck, from his neck to his jaw, tilting his mouth and kissing him softly, fingers lightly brushing against the meld points on his face. Jim had a moment of panic that Spock would see too much, understand everything he felt and turn away in disgust; then his fingers reached up to Spock's, pressing them to his face.

A mummer of words whispered into his mouth and Jim could only catch fleeting impressions of Spock freezing in front of him, a vision of himself beaten and almost broken on a table; fuzzy emotions of love/desperation/want/yearning/terror anchoring him somehow until Spock pulled his fingers away from his face. They stared at each other for a moment, both breathing heavily. Jim's mind whirled with thoughts, impressions… possibilities.

Spock moved so that his forehead rested against Jim's. His fingers flexed on his face as though Spock wanted nothing more to connect their minds again. Jim's hands slid down over the backs of Spock's hands, down to his wrists.

"So… you too?" Jim almost didn't recognize his voice. "That wasn't real? Q I mean. From before. None of that… happened?"

"Not all of it." Spock's eyes had never been so expressive. Jim could hear the echoes of his own "yes" in his head as he agreed to trade his life for Spock's. Jim rubbed his slightly stubbled cheek against Spock's palms, gaze turning wicked when Spock's own dark gaze fluttered shut.

"I think I'm obsessed with your hands. They're so sensitive." Jim's whisper caused Spock's mouth to quirk just slightly. Jim moved so that he could kiss the very center of Spock's palm. His other hand slid lightly down Spock's side, feeling his heartbeat pounding frantically and pressing his hand against the spot.

"Obsession… is illogical, Captain." Jim traced a little figure eight with his tongue over Spock's lifeline. "However, I find myself strangely compelled to fully investigate the merits of such a claim." He gasped again as Jim pulled their lower bodies together with one yank of his hand.

"Just so you know? You lecturing? Complete turn on. I'm glad you weren't my Professor at the Academy or you might have seriously fucked up my grade point average." Jim's voice ended on a squeak as Spock simply lifted him and turned, tossing him down onto the bed. For the first time, Jim noticed that they were in his quarters. Jim's legs fell open as he bounced a little on the mattress, Spock settling naturally between the space he made there.

Spock's mouth was doing things to his neck that was making Jim's blood sing. Jim moved his hands under Spock's uniform, scratching his nails up his back, lightly moving his fingers over the ridges in his spine, the flexing muscles, around Spock's shoulder blades then back down over his ribs and into his trousers. He pushed, arching up into Spock's body.

Spock bit him

Jim's whole body went boneless, relaxing into the mattress. "Impatience will not do you any good." Jim couldn't see Spock's expression, but really didn't need to; he could hear the smirk clearly.

Spock moved up and off of the bed so that he could strip of his clothes. Jim sat up a little against the pillows, watching Spock's body as it was revealed to him one inch at a time. He bit his lip when he saw Spock set his clothes carefully to the side of Jim's bed. When he turned again he was naked, cock jutting out proudly from his body. Jim licked his lips as he stared at him. One of Spock's hands trailed slowly down his chest, wrapping around himself and squeezing gently. His cock turned a slightly darker shade of green. Spock hissed a little and took a step closer to the bed.

Jim's eyes actually drifted shut. He wanted that. Wanted Spock inside of him.

The mattress dipped a little as Spock leaned back down, his breath ghosting over Jim's sternum. Jim's thoughts fell against each other as he appreciated the difference of Spock's seemingly human body on the outside, with the Vulcan organ physiology on the inside. "I thought you would look… different, " he blurted.

"You imagined what I would look like unclothed?" Jim felt Spock's tongue flick over his nipple.

He tried not to whimper as he felt it harden. Spock's mouth was so hot that when he pulled off and blew a little the shock of the difference in temperature caused Jim's own cock to twitch in his pants. He vaguely recalled that Spock had asked him a question. "Ye-yes."

Spock moved his mouth over Jim's chest, stimulating, licking, using his lips and teeth until Jim was moaning, over and over, unable to help himself. He felt the cooler air of the room on his legs and realized that Spock had undone his trousers, and had begun to pull them down only to have the fabric catch on the leg that Spock was leaning on. There was a low bass growl and the sound of ripping fabric.

"Oh… Christ, Spock that's… nuugh!"

Spock had been teasing him, pushing his body to such a height of awareness that when he simply swallowed Jim's cock instead of playing with it Jim lost his grasp of Standard. Jim was beyond processing individual sensations, his cock enveloped as it was in sucking wet heat. When Spock tightened his throat muscles around him Jim couldn't help the way his hips bucked, seeking more.

He cursed when Spock pulled off of him. "I told you your impatience would be to your detriment."

Jim started to bring his hands to his own aching cock and actually whined when Spock wouldn't let him touch himself. "Stretch your hands up above your head, Jim." Jim's throat went dry. He might have had a small thought that whispered 'hey just who was supposed to give the orders here?' but he was able to beat it back into submission by moving his arms so quickly he accidentally knocked Spock's head with his elbow.

He felt Spock moving his thighs so that his legs were stretched wide, the Vulcan just staring at him. Jim arched a little, showing off, and was rewarded with he saw the muscles in Spock's throat work. Spock moved slightly, reaching up and over.

Jim had time to moan, body clenching once in anticipation when he heard the slight sound of the tube of lubricant that Spock squirted onto his fingers. Jim opened his legs even more, tilting his hips. He heard small needy sounds repeating over and over and realized dimly that it was him, moaning Spock's name.

One finger circled his entrance gently, pressing and teasing the sensitive nerves until Jim was rocking his hips slightly in counterpoint with the stroking finger. Jim's hands tightened on the shelf on his headboard, fingers desperately seeking some sort of purchase.

Spock slid in the tip, up to the first knuckle and Jim bit his lip to keep himself from begging. Spock made a sound in the back of his throat and Jim had time to remember -oh yeah, sensitive hands- before the finger started to stroke him from inside, moving a little from side to side, then thrusting slightly. Another finger joined the first and Jim was unable to keep quiet, moaning and gasping with each thrust of Spock's fingers. He felt his cock grow harder, felt his balls tighten so sharply that it was almost painful.

"More…" he tired to demand it, but the breath of air came out more desperate than anything else. "Please…"

Spock shook his head and Jim saw stars as three fingers stretched him open, spreading and stretching the tight channel until Jim had braced his feet against his mattress, and was moving his hips, fucking himself on Spock's fingers. They were yanked away; Spock moved and Jim felt the head of his cock bump against his entrance. Spock made that growly noise in the back of his throat again as he quickly spread more lube onto his cock, before pressing, sliding into Jim with steely control.

"Ohhh.."

Jim looked up at Spock's face above him, moving his arms so that he could hang on to Spock's shoulders. Spock bent almost in half, kissing spots on Jim's arms, then his chest, his side, his throat, slowly beginning to move inside him and Jim belatedly realized that Spock was kissing every single place he'd ever been injured on the Enterprise.

Jim's hands cupped Spock's cheeks and he was whispering over and over, unable to keep the words back one instant longer, telling of his love and friendship and need.

Spock's face tightened. "Jim… I…. this…."

At any other time to have made Spock lose his powers of speech would have made Jim feel like gloating for weeks. Now, he just kissed the lips that couldn't articulate, a lifetime of training suppressing his ability to put a name to the emotion , and it didn't matter to Jim because he could read it in every single slide of Spock's skin against his, every thrust of him deep inside his body. Jim moved his legs, wrapping his legs around Spock's waist, desperate not to let him leave.

****

---

"Well?"

"Wow!" An embarrassed cough. "I mean, uh, well they do seem to care for each other."

Q's look of smug satisfaction froze for a moment in shock. "Care? Care?" He pointed one imperious finger at the screen. "That is not mere caring!"

Guinan raised an eyebrow. She looked to Q, who was still craning his neck, watching the two men curl up together on the bed, kissing in both the Human and Vulcan way. She indicated the irate Q with a jerk of her neck. "It seems to me that they have actually fallen in love."

Q practically radiated smug satisfaction.

"Shame that it doesn't count though. You cheated."

"I what?!" He screeched.

Guinan and Q faced each other, practically toe to toe. The other Q was still looking dopily at the viewscreen, where Spock was pulling up the blankets over Jim and himself. Jim was smiling into Spock's shoulder. "You. Cheated. I told you that you couldn't make them fall in love with each other."

"I did no such thing!"

"Then what do you call the last part at the end?"

"Hot?"

Both Q and Guinan turned to Q and glared. He held up his hands and looked back at the viewscreen.

"I call 'the part of the end' them realizing that they would each give up everything for the other. If that's not love then I don't know what is."

Guinan's head cocked as she thought about this for a moment.

Q stood next to her, breathing heavily, practically quivering with righteous indignation.

"Well. When you're right… you're right."

Q beamed.

Guinan started to smile, but reached up and kissed Q very gently on the lips instead. "Good job." She turned to the other Q who had watched the little exchange between the two of them with a tiny smirk on his face. He nodded and snapped his fingers, sending Guinan back to her own time and place with a flash of light.

Q looked like someone had just come up behind him and smacked him in the back of the head with a two-by-four. He sucked in a deep breath to go after her, but Q laid a hand on his arm.

"Here. A parting gift. I know how much you like research." Q took one last look at the two tangled together on the narrow bunk and shook his head. "You've done quite well. Beyond my expectations, to tell the truth." He disappeared, leaving Q blinking down at the brightly wrapped gift in his hands.

His finally got over his surprise, feeling a strange sort of … anticipation. He could still feel the softness of Guinan's lips on his own. He opened the paper, looking down at the object with a raised eyebrow.

"The Kama Sutra?" He flipped through a few pages, curious despite himself. His gaze rested on the two in the viewscreen briefly before his lips twisted into the evilest smile…

 

 

The end! :D

 

---

A/N…. aaaaaand yes. I do ship Guinan and Q. wuuut.

Comments

[verizonhorizon.livejournal.com]

This was so wonderful! I've been watching so much TNG lately, you managed to put together all the things I like: Q shenanigans, matchmaking, costumes, AU scenarios, and of course romance. Excellent storytelling!

[1lostone.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks so much! I know it was a little cracky but the idea of Q getting a hold of romance novels was too good to pass up. :D I'm glad you enjoyed it!